I have been wanting to do this for awhile, and I think now is finally the time. I’m coming out.
In July of 2013, I was raped. I was raped by a friend. I was raped by someone I trusted. I was raped by someone who had a beautiful two-year-old daughter. And I want to tell you about it.
I met this man through friends, and we bonded over both being recently divorced. He came on pretty strong, and I was very flattered. There was something electric between us that I think we both felt. The next night, he made it a point to tell me that when he saw me, he thought to himself, “That’s her,” as in, the girl he’s been looking for his whole life. It was cheesy, and I tried to have my guard up, but after everything I’d recently been through, it felt really nice to have someone flatter me so much. We spent a lot of time with each other, texting, and talking on the phone. We talked about our lives, our insecurities, our goals, our exes. And even when it seemed he either wasn’t ready to commit (and neither was I) or he was no longer interested or had moved on to another girl, I still trusted him and cared for him. I still felt he was a wonderful person, even though I had to put distance between us for a month or so before seeing him in a social setting again. But when we did, it wasn’t long before he was flirting and kissing me again. It was very confusing.
One night, he called me at four in the morning, and I answered (I always leave my phone on so drunk friends can call me for a ride or in case someone needs a ride to the hospital because they’re in labor….both have actually happened to me). He said that he was nearby, that the girl he was staying with kicked him out because he wouldn’t hook up with her, and that he just wanted somewhere to sleep because he’d been drinking. He was only two minutes away and could he come over. I said yes.
I had just upgraded from an air mattress to a twin bed two days before, so I just wanted him to stay on our big L-shaped couch. But he convinced me that we could fit in the twin bed and cuddle. We kissed a little bit, and I told him that he had to quit doing this because it was very confusing to me. He said he’d leave me alone when I got a boyfriend. I told him I would not be able to get a boyfriend when I was still thinking about him and wondering if it would someday go somewhere…it wouldn’t be fair. We kissed more, and his hands started wandering to places I did not want them to wander. So I kept grabbing his hands and told him to stop, that I only wanted to kiss.
He didn’t stop.
This guy is a lot stronger than me, and at one point, after his hands were done wandering, I truly thought he was going to stop. I thought that was it. I was thinkin